


Anyone Else But You

by roseknight



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, M/M, Major Character Injury, Third Year Kageyama, in which Oikawa can't let go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 07:26:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5819515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseknight/pseuds/roseknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a career-ending injury, Kageyama doesn't think he'll ever see Oikawa on the court again, until he finds a familiar figure watching him at practice one day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anyone Else But You

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, Oikawa.

i.

Kageyama doesn't have to wait for the news to trickle down from the world of college volleyball, because he's there to see it happen. It's his final year at Karasuno and he's determined for their team to do more than make it to nationals this year. So, he ends up watching recordings of every match he can with the player he has idolized above all others since his early days in middle school. He even takes the trouble to head out of the prefecture and catch one of Oikawa's games live, and maybe he shouldn't have. Maybe there was always bad luck in the air when they were close to each other.

One moment Oikawa is flying, in perfect form, his absolutely terrifying level of skill overwhelming the opposing team. The next moment he's on the ground, surrounded by frantic teammates who know they don't stand a chance if he doesn't stand with them. Kageyama feels like he's drowning as he waits for Oikawa to flash a peace sign, to laugh and get up so that he can breathe again, but in the sudden hush that overtakes the crowd, what he hears instead is a pained whimper.

Oikawa doesn't walk out of the gym that day on his own. His team loses the second and third sets and he doesn't return to the courtside.

ii.

Nothing changes.

Not in Kageyama's world, anyway. His coach, his teammates are focused on the opponents within the prefecture and the aces spread across the nation that they might have to face if they make it far enough. Kageyama is named one of the top three setters at the high school level in all of Japan, and the sheer pride that laces its way through his bones, threads through his very lungs, makes him focus even harder on volleyball, if that's possible at this point.

He remembers the setter he'd looked up to getting an award in middle school and how he'd shined with happiness. He thinks of all the awards that setter might have gotten, how much renown he might've received as a pro, and the only way to stop those thoughts that make him feel so strangely empty is to stare straight in front of him, at one match at a time. One toss at a time.

iii.

After too many jump serves in a row to keep track of, Kageyama pauses by ball cart, sensing eyes on him. He lets go of the volleyball his hand is wrapped around and turns to the entrance, where someone who's always been a little taller and a little better stands, arms crossed, leaning against the wall just inside the gym.

"Oikawa-san," he says. And doesn't know what else to say. Oikawa's eyes are narrowed, his mouth pressed into a thin line that's obviously not going to be offering anything in the way of a greeting. Kageyama doesn't know if he should go over and talk to him or ignore him and keep serving. Unconsciously, his eyes drop to Oikawa's knee, the one that was finally damaged beyond repair. He wonders if it hurts to walk, or if the pain now mostly comes from no longer belonging on the court. He bites the inside of his lip, because it's sickening to just imagine being on the receiving end of such a verdict.

The air in the gym feels cold. It's midwinter and everyone else is long gone, but Kageyama had wanted to work on his serve a bit more, so he decides he'll just keep doing that. He turns away from Oikawa and slams the ball down again and again, keeping it just in bounds each time. His accuracy has always been his ultimate weapon, but he still lacks the power he wants. Only when his hand is stinging from wrist to fingertips does he collect all the loose balls and leave the court.

"What kind of monster are you, anyway?"

Kageyama freezes a few feet from Oikawa. From this distance, he can see just how lifeless Oikawa's eyes are. His voice, though, still holds the antagonistic edge Kageyama remembers too well.

"Who just keeps jumping around and serving so damn perfectly in front of someone who's barely allowed to look at a volleyball anymore?"

Kageyama tries to think of an appropriate response. Why he bothers when he's never been able to keep up with Oikawa in a conversation in the six years they've known each other, he really can't say, but he knows that this is a crucial moment.

He says, "If you wanted me to stop, you could've just said something."

Oikawa's eyes narrow even more. Wrong answer, then. Kageyama sighs to himself in preparation for whatever's about to come out of Oikawa's mouth.

"Yeah, I want you to stop," Oikawa says in a low voice. "You and everyone else who gets to keep playing volleyball."

"Did you come here to tell me that?"

Oikawa doesn't say anything. He just stares Kageyama down for another minute before turning and leaving, favoring one leg just enough to notice.

iv.

He comes back. Not right away, but well before the spring portion of the national tournament commences. He shows up when no one is around but Kageyama, stands near the door, and leaves without saying anything when Kageyama stops practicing. Kageyama finds himself staying late more and more, though he gets warned by the coach that he'd better not overwork himself.

One day, Oikawa speaks again.

Kageyama had been too wrapped up in practice to notice him walk over, and after one of his serves goes out of bounds, he hears a voice behind him and he flinches.

"You're trying to get more power without sacrificing accuracy, but that's making you hold back."

Without meeting Kageyama's eyes, Oikawa continues to offer critique after each jump serve, occasionally on his technique but mostly on his mentality. The advice works. He realizes how tense he'd been keeping his muscles, how his hyperawareness of how difficult what he's trying to pull off is has been inhibiting him. After a particular serve that bounces off the opposite court with incredible speed and force, he turns around, exhilirated, only to blink in surprise. Oikawa is already walking away, and even when Kageyama calls after him, he doesn't stop.

It becomes routine. More often than not, on the days Oikawa shows up, he will walk over to watch Kageyama from behind and tell him how to finely tune his movements to get better results. During practice, his teammates notice the improvement and applaud his hard work and he doesn't know how to say it's only half due to his own efforts.

Oikawa always leaves before Kageyama can properly thank him.

One evening, Kageyama breaks their routine. He knows it's against the unspoken rules, but he can't stop himself. "Why are you helping me, Oikawa-san?"

He can feel the way Oikawa closes himself off even more as he looks at Kageyama in disdain and says, "God knows you need it."

v.

Sometimes, very rarely, Kageyama learns something from Oikawa that isn't related to volleyball. As they spend more time together, the stray comments link together and Kageyama strives to make sense of them. Oikawa dropped out of his college after his injury and he's living with his family in Miyagi again for the timebeing. Kageyama is careful to never ask him what he's going to do, if he's going to go back to college. He doesn't think he could answer that question if he was in Oikawa's position.

Oikawa's phone goes off a lot, usually the same text tone that Kageyama learns belongs to Iwaizumi.

He thinks about how strict Iwaizumi always got around Oikawa and says once, "If you don't answer him, won't he hit you the next time you guys see each other?"

Oikawa smiles at him. Sometimes he does that now, but it's always an awful fake smile that makes him want to shiver. "Nope! He doesn't hit me anymore, you know, he's too much of a softie to hit an injured man."

It's the first time Oikawa has ever referenced his injury so bluntly in front of him. Kageyama squeezes the volleyball in his hands and wills his eyes to not drop to Oikawa's knee. He always wears long pants now, so it's not like he could see even if there was a sign of the inner damage.

That day, when they finish practice, Kageyama says, "I'm going to get something to eat. Do you want to come?" He feels as surprised as Oikawa looks, even though it was his invitation. He feels even more surprised when Oikawa twists his lips into a look of pained amusement and agrees.

Sitting in a booth surrounded by the smell of sweet desserts and the sounds of a dozen chattering teenagers, the tension that constantly stretched taut between him and Oikawa on the court seems to fade just a little. Kageyama thinks Oikawa feels the same way, because he starts to act more like how Kageyama remembers him. Not that he ever interacted with Kageyama more than to stick his tongue out and refuse his pleas for help, but Kageyama had seen how he acted when he was with his friends, that he was the kind of guy who loved to talk and tease. He's not quite as vibrant tonight as he is in Kageyama's memories, but he does make more than the occasional snide comment, and Kageyama feels like it's progress, though he doesn't know what kind.

Apparently, his favorite topic of conversation is complaining about anything and everything. Kageyama eats his gyuudon in silence as Oikawa complains about the weather, how he needs a new bed, how Iwaizumi blocked his snapchat, how he got a confession from a high school girl the other day and how much she'd cried when he'd politely turned her down.

"I know I'm irresistible, but really, everyone thought I had done something terrible to her when she started crying like that! Ah, but I can't really blame her, crushes are the burden hearts must bear... Well, you wouldn't know about anything like that, Tobio-chan, but-"

"I know about crushes." He says it without thinking and takes another bite before realizing Oikawa's fallen silent, looking at him a bit incredulously. He flushes and shrugs. "I had a crush in middle school."

"Oh, really?" Oikawa smirks at him. "Who was the unlucky girl?"

"It was on you, Oikawa-san."

He keeps eating until his rice is gone, but Oikawa doesn't say anything else. His own food is barely touched, but he throws enough money on the table to cover the cost of both their meals and leaves like he always does, without saying goodbye.

vi.

The day before Karasuno's first match in the tournament, Oikawa doesn't give him any advice at all. He watches like always and Kageyama doesn't know if his silence means Kageyama is doing well enough to not need guidance or if he's just thinking about how much the following day must mean to Kageyama and how he'll never have days like that again. Still, with all the help he's given him so far, Kageyama feels immensely grateful. He thinks Karasuno has a shot at winning nationals, he really does.

When he's done, before collecting all the balls scattered over the gym, he stands between Oikawa and the door, determined to get a real answer this time. "Why have you been helping me, Oikawa-san?"

He thinks Oikawa is just going to sidestep him and his question alike, but after a long moment Oikawa takes a deep breath and answers him.

"I can't let go of volleyball. It became my life a long time ago and I wish I could turn those feelings off now and find something else to live for, but I can't, okay? But I can't play." He smiles bitterly. "I can't do the one thing that means the world to me, but at the same time, I can't turn my back on it. So all I can do is pin my hopes on someone who can follow in my footsteps and then go beyond the point they stop, someone who cares as much about volleyball as I do. And that can't be anyone else but you."

Kageyama feels like hearing that speech took more out of him than the long hours of practice did. He stares, blank and wide-eyed, at the man who never really stopped being his senpai in his eyes.

Oikawa laughs, and it sounds just as anguished as his smiles look these days. "I already know it's pathetic. If you don't want my help anymore, just say the word." He takes a step to go around Kageyama, but Kageyama unfreezes and moves to block him again and speaks before Oikawa can get mad at him for it.

"I do want your help. That's what I always wanted, there's no way I would refuse it now that you're giving it to me," he says fervently. "The tournament is going to start tomorrow, but even after that, please continue to teach me." He bows deep and quick and when he straightens back up, Oikawa is making a face he can't read.

"You're going to get better than me," Oikawa says softly. "Then I won't have anything left to teach you."

Kageyama imagines these meetings coming to end and losing what has become the comfortable familiarity of Oikawa's presence behind him as he practices. It gives him a sinking feeling he hasn't felt since he saw Oikawa fall from the last jump of his volleyball career. But he can't deny Oikawa's words; it's always been his goal to surpass him, after all.

He thinks the conflicting feelings are written all over his face. Oikawa just looks at him wryly and leaves the gym, and Kageyama wonders if it's always going to be this way, him staring at Oikawa's back, unable to make him stay.

vii.

Kageyama pinches himself a few times to make sure it's really true, he's really standing on the center court, about to battle it out for the title of champions. He doesn't feel nervous. He's standing with his teammates of several years, Hinata and Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, as well as their promising kouhai. After Karasuno made it to nationals his first year, more talented volleyball players had been drawn to the school. He doesn't think their lineup could be any stronger.

And even so. Even so, it's a struggle, and they can never score without having the point taken back. It's two sets to two sets and Kageyama is breathing hard, urging his stamina to hold out because he wants to play the full game as Karasuno's setter. He knows that's the best chance they have for victory.

The cheers are a steady thrum in the background as they exchange a few words of encouragement before the final set begins. And then Hinata squawks, "Whoa, it's the Grand King!" and Kageyama's neck whips around to look behind him, somehow expecting Oikawa to be there like he always is for practice. But of course he isn't on the court. Kageyama looks over to the stands, where Oikawa is sitting close but not quite among Karasuno's fans, hands folded in front of his face. He's far away, but Kageyama knows he's looking directly at him.

He refuses to lose in front of Oikawa.

It's the only set that doesn't go into a deuce. Kageyama sets up the perfect attacks for every situation, to the point that he feels like he's channeling Oikawa's perceptive power. Oikawa always had strengths he lacked, but their training together has merged their talent somewhat. It tips the scales enough; the other team can't catch up.

He celebrates with his team, joins in the circle of faces filled with tears of joy, but he pulls away first and runs from the gym. He doesn't see Oikawa in the crowded hallways or lingering by the entrance, so he heads a bit further into the maze-like building where there's no one around to drown out a phone call. He's just taken out his phone when he feels a hand on his shoulder. Whirling around, he sees Oikawa.

"Oikawa-san," he breathes, caught off-guard. Oikawa is looking at him openly and Kageyama realizes with a searing chill that he's witnessing Oikawa without any facade wrapped around him. It might be the first time Kageyama's been privy to such a sight. There's sadness in Oikawa's eyes and undeniable envy, but there's more than that. It's just a flicker, but there's pride there.

"You did it, Tobio-chan."

"Ah... Yeah." He fumbles with his phone, shoves it back into his pocket, and then doesn't know what to do with his hands.

"Were you looking for me?" Oikawa asks, like he doesn't already know the answer.

"Yeah. I wanted to thank you. For everything."

Oikawa scoffs. "Whatever. You would've won today regardless of anything I've said or done."

Kageyama doubts it, but he says, "Maybe. I'm only one member of the team. But you helped me become a better setter. So just accept my thanks, okay?"

"Cheeky brat," Oikawa mutters, but Kageyama thinks he can see a hint of red on his cheeks, and that his praise might actually mean more than Oikawa would ever let on.

Oikawa looks up again, his face all serious now, and Kageyama stiffens, waiting for him verbalize the end of their practice sessions.

"You know, Tobio-chan, I might always hate you a little for having everything I want. But really, I want to hate you a lot! I can't, though. Isn't that weird? I can't let go of volleyball _or_ you..." He chuckles humorlessly.

Kageyama figures he's reading too much into the wording, but the high of winning mingled with the desperation to keep Oikawa in his life push him forward. He keeps his gaze steady as he says, "I lied to you before, Oikawa-san."

Oikawa scrunches his eyebrows together in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"When I said I had a crush on you in middle school." He loses his nerve for a moment, finds it again and keeps going. "It wasn't... just then."

The tension that always surrounds them on the court creeps in, but Kageyama refuses to look away. Even though he's expecting Oikawa to laugh in his face and turn on his heel, he can't bring himself to regret finally saying what he's wanted to for some time now.

But Oikawa doesn't laugh. He doesn't react at all for awhile and Kageyama starts to fidget, knowing his teammates are going to be looking for him and that the last thing Oikawa probably wants is to explain what he's doing there. Still, he waits, because he needs a proper response so he can figure out how to move on.

Oikawa steps towards him, though they were already close. He raises a hand tentatively, then drops it before it can brush Kageyama's cheek. "You never do what you're supposed to, do you?" Oikawa asks. "Why would you confess to someone who just said they hated you?"

"You said you hated me a little," Kageyama amends. It's an important distinction, he thinks.

"Yeah. I guess there's something else there, too."

Oikawa leans down, just a little now that their heights are so close, and presses his lips briefly to Kageyama's cheek. He pulls back and says, "Call me when you're done celebrating with your team. We still have work to do." And he walks away, but not before murmuring, "See you later, Tobio-chan."

That evening with his friends, he feels like he's celebrating two victories.

**Author's Note:**

> It was about time I wrote some Oikage. Can we all just please acknowledge Kageyama's blatant middle school crush on Oikawa?
> 
> Ah, it feels good to write angst again~ (Really, though... Sorry, Oikawa.)
> 
> Talk to me at satellitetrash.tumblr.com!


End file.
